Heaven's Gate/Diary

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Diary

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The title screen of Heaven's Gate with the Diary option

Heaven's Gate Diary appears in Heaven's Gate. It is counted as DLC for Hello Charlotte Episode Three on Steam, and as such, must be accessed through the game files on that platform. On itch.io, a payment of at least $1.50 must be made.

The diary tells the story of the True Realm in Hello Charlotte Episode Three from Anri Warhol's perspective. It explains her childhood, dealing with her brother, meeting Charles, and dealing with the aftermath of leaving him. This story is canon.

— 1 —

• One day, a mother of a young family brought home a doll.
• She did so out of necessity rather than on a whim, or out of strong desire.
• It wasn't the kind of doll you'd normally see on the shelves of a large supermarket.
• It wasn't a particularly beautiful model, being pudgier and noisier than her peers.
• Her insides were made out of slime that always seemed to ooze out of her nose and mouth.
• But the mother seemed to be content with those usightly defects.
• The doll was supposed to melt into a sticky, dripping wet foul-smelling glue that would keep the mother's marriage from falling apart after all.
• The father didn't want to keep the item.
• But to his disappointment, the shop didn't accept any returns.
• The doll became a fitting addition to the house's interior, for she fit perfectly among the counterfeit porcelain tea sets and useless trinkets stuffed onto the shelves.
• Pictures reflecting her snotty face filled up the family albums — a thousand fabricated certificates of a model family life.

• One day, the glue went dry, and the family fell apart.
• As the porcelain plates hit the walls and the trinkets fell from the shelves, the doll remained still.
• The slime inside of her turned into water, and flooded the room.
• The woman who bought it left the house, leaving all her former possessions behind.
• A new owner soon came, and Henry was born.

— 2 —

• I never felt like others treated me like a human being.
• Rather, I was an object, a commodity in a human disguise.
• To my family, I was akin to a not particularly expensive piece of furniture that they kept around despite having bought a replacement.
• To my classmates, I was a wind-up doll they could push around by provoking it, laughing at how clumsy it was.
• Due to almost too-cliche parental neglect, I was never taught proper hygiene,
• so my peers made sure to laugh at the way i smelled after forgetting to shower for weeks, and the way dirt gathered under my fingernails.
• They hid my clothes after P.E. and called me names, but it didn't matter.
• I didn't matter.

— 3 —

• As soon as puberty hit, I became even more convinced that I was nothing more than an object.
• Maybe it's because I used to eat too much, or maybe due to genetics, I grew to be more well-endowed than other girls my age.
• Disgusted looks I used to get turned into something more primal and feral.
• Lust.

• Starved for attention, I wanted to be desired.
• "A gift needs pretty wrapping", a realization came.
• Under my modest clothes, I wore stockings and garterbelts.
• Asked for expensive underwear as a birthday present.
• Began paying more attention to my hygiene.
• My hair became perfectly combed — not a single strand out of place.
• Porcelain skin nurtured by evening masks and face cream.
• Fake.
• But no longer unwanted.
• People I never talked to began asking me out.
• Girls swarmed around me, talking about boys, periods and reality shows I couldn't bring myself to care about, but watched anyway.
• It was something new — something I didn't know I longed for.

— 4 —

• My first kiss was with a girl.
• It was at a drinking party, and everyone was drunk and horny enough to play sex dice obviously meant for older crowds.
• I didn't like her.
• But I liked how it felt.
• I decided I wanted more.

— 5 —

• Silky shirts, short skirts, kneesocks.
• Fluttering lashes, flawless mascara.
• Not a single pimple on my skin.
• It didn't matter that I was stuffed with chunks of meat swarming with maggots.
• Squirming, wriggling, eating me from the inside.

— 6 —

• Charles Eyler wasn't a particularly attractive person.
• Let aside his above-average looks, something about his attitude gave away that something wasn't "right".
• Maybe it was the way he scratched his skin and bit his nails, or the way he stared into empty space, muttering something.
• There was no wifi on his flip phone, yet he was constantly taking it out of his pocket in short intervals.
• Typing a message to nowhere, setting an alarm clock off and back on.
• A fool-proof tactic to ease rising anxiety.

• In class, he would often respond to the name of a girl classmate, and everyone would start laughing.
• He'd cover his mouth, mortified, realizing that the teacher's question wasn't directed at him.
• Stifled mutterings, jerky movements.
• Constantly on the edge, anxious and detached — Charles Eyler was far from pleasant.
• Yes, I found us to be similar.
• It felt like there was something eating him from inside.
• Maybe he was stuffed full of maggots, too.

— 7 —

• We were sitting in an empty classroom.
• I was absent-mindedly scrolling down the feed on my phone, Eyler was finishing his homework for the next day.
• He did all the assignments during breaks and got excellent marks for it.
• I never got why he was in such a rush.

• "So, uh, what's your answer? Yes or no?"
• Eyler didn't look me in the eye.
• Instead, he was looking at a spot between me and the window frame.
• "What? Ah. Sorry. What were you talking about?"
• "I couldn't hear you well in this noise."
• Eyler's voiced echoed throughout the empty, eerily quiet classroom.
• Everyone else had gone home a long time ago.
• I started to get annoyed.
• "Like I was saying."
• "Will you date me?"
• Seconds passed. Eyler muttering indistinguishable words, still distracted by something.
• He was visibly uncomfortable.
• "..."
• "Okay."
• He...what?
• 'You're...okay with it?"
• "I mean, why not? If you want to. Listen, I—"
• I need to go home, quick. I'm sorry."
• His words made no sense. Eyler grabbed his bag and stormed out of the classroom.
• What was that about?

— 8 —

• Henry used to be a high-achiever in elementary.
• By middle school, he'd lost all motivation to study.
• Eventually, he stopped leaving his room.

• "You need to spend more time with your brother", Father had told me on numerous occasions — each time more insistently, his wife nodding behind his back.
• As if this smelly freeloader didn't get enough attention from them already.
• So sometimes I sat on the phone in my brother's room, listening to the click-clack sound of Henry's keyboard.
• It was always dark in his room.
• The air inside was damp, laced with the lingering stench of instant noodles and used tissues littering the floor.
• Blergh.
• Sometimes Henry got tired of playing, and flopped onto the bed near me.
• He was not a talkative kid, so I never got what he was thinking.
• Sometimes he would crawl onto me and bury his head in my chest, just laying there, as I blankly stared into space.
• In the darkness barely illuminated by LED lights, he told me about his two-dimensional sweethearts.
• Like then.
• Henry brought out his smartphone and shoved it into my face.
• "It's Space Idol Guriri. All of these are from the anniversary pull", he muttered, scrolling down his card collection.
• "Mm. How much did you spend on her?"
• "Not much."
• Liar.
• "He-e-e-enry?"
• A reluctant pause.
• "She's worth it."
• I felt tired.
• "Hey. Shouldn't you be interested in real girls at your age?"
• "No. They're gross."
• "Am I gross, too?"
• "Kinda."
• Henry squeezed closer to me.
• Too close for comfort.
• I could smell his foul breath.
• Henry was extremely bad at maintaining hygiene, just like I had once been.
• Maybe it was in our genes.
• He must be starved for body contact without realizing it, I thought absent-mindedly.
• "Hey, stop it. You're too close. Go ask mom to cuddle you."
• Henry didn't listen, and only buried his head deeper into my chest.
• He was like a toddler.
• "Mom and Dad only buy me things. They don't care about me."
• "Believe me, they do."
• Unlike you, I didn't have that luxury.
• "Say. Why won't you leave your room?"
• "It's pointless."
• "What is?"
• "Everything."
• "There's nothing I want to do in life."
• "The only times I feel happy are when I play games or sleep."
• "But I don't want to die either."
• "So I'll just stay here forever."
• How pathetic.

— 9 —

• "Charlie. You need to see a doctor."
• I gave Eyler's hand a firm squeeze. He was shaking.
• We were sitting on the cold floor in the boys' bathroom.
• There were around 15 minutes until the third period ended.
• I was trying to ignore the writing on the wall. 'Warhol is a slut.'
• Eyler responded with a minute-long delay.
• What would they do? Stuff me with pills?"
• "At very least. They'll help."
• "They didn't help Mother."
• "I'm talking about you."
• "..."
• "Charlie. Please. Stop pretending you're okay."
• "If you're not planning on telling me what's wrong, that at the very least try to seek help yourself."
• "If I say anything, she'll throw my pet cat out of the window. Or worse."
• She?
• "...okay. I understand."
• I didn't understand at all.
• But...
• Eyler was shaking.
• He was completely terrified.
• I'm terrified, too. Of him, and his mind.
• "It's not your fault.", is all I could say, unable to find the right words.
• Seeking comfort, I squeezed his hand harder.

— 10 —

• It was the End of the Year party.
• There's something about the thrill of blaring music and fleeting conversations that I cannot quite put into words.
• There, I was able to forget who I am, and who I cannot be.
• ...He must've been a guy from the parallel class. Pretty handsome, I had to admit.
• "Care for a drink?" he asked me.
• "Sure," I replied, and took the plastic cup from his hands.
• The room gradually began to tilt.
• "Are you okay?" he asked. "I'll take you to rest upstairs."
• "There was something in my drink," I belatedly realized, as I was led to the upper floor.
• As my consciousness faded, I thought of Eyler.
• It was dawning at me that he didn't want to own, to possess, to consume.
• He didn't want me.
• Didn't want anything I was able to offer.
• He wanted something that couldn't be seen, something immaterial and ethereal.
• He wanted to be saved.
• But I am merely an object.
• My head was filled with mocking comments from my classmates. Dice at the party. Constant expectations. Graffiti on the wall.
• I was trying so hard.
• I was trying my best.
• Yet why was I still not enough?
• When I came to, I was surrounded by girls, concerned yet relieved looks on their faces.
• I wanted to go home.

— 11 —

• I woke up one day to heated debates in the kitchen.
• It was probably about Henry.
• Nothing ever changed.
• I snuck into his room, trying not to make a sound.
• He was curled up into a ball under the desk, shaking, muttering something.

• "Henry, it's me. Come out. Stop hiding."
• "Leave me alone!"
• "What happened?"
• "They want to fix me. Send me to therapy."
• "And?"
• "I don't want to be fixed."
• Give me a break.
• Just look at how much they cared about you.
• About your useless, stinky, perverted—
• I had to calm down.
• "Then, what do you want?"
• "To be with Guriri."
• "Guriri is not a person."
• "I don't give a shit."
• "Hey, language."
• "You're just don't want to make any effort to gain positive emotions in real life."
• Henry got quiet for a moment.
• "I'm tired," was his only answer.
• I'm tired, too.

— 12 —

• Charles Eyler started taking pills.
• No more jerky movements.
• No more staring into space.
• There was a permanent smile plastered on his face.
• He seemed...alarmingly normal.
• We went out for food and movies.
• Made sure to instagram all the food we ate and the places we visited.
• It would surely become to proof of our normalcy.
• I talked about myself, and Eyler actually heard me instead of spacing out, erratically checking his phone and muttering something under his breath.
• In turn, Eyler told me about Mother, about things he saw that others didn't, about a writer he admired.
• Everything was normal. Just like I'd wanted it to be.

— 13 —

• A: So like, did you two do it already?
• anri: Aw, come on! Of course we did!
• A: Oh my god, for real? He seems like such a wimp, though. I bet it was the worst!
• B: Tbh. You deserve so much better.
• A: You aren't lying, right? I can't believe THAT Eyler is capable of anything more than hand-holding.
• B: Yeah, like, did he finally man up?
• C: If a guy doesn't want you, then there must be something wrong with his dick!
• B: looks like you'll have to take action and help him overcome it somehow
• B: otherwise ur relationship is doomed, lol
• C: right, Anri?!
• anri: lol, yeah

— 14 —

• "This doesn't insult you?" I asked, showing Eyler the group chat. "I lied to them about everything, but...you know."
• Charles yawned, shaking his head in disinterest.
• "You only get insulted when you view something as insulting, C says," he elaborated. "So no, it doesn't."
• "Eh. What the hell, I thought you'd be hurt, or something."
• Charles laughed mischievously.
• "What, you wanted to console me, miss Warhol?"
• I turned away, brows furrowed.
• "I got upset, you know. They don't know you at all."
• He was taken aback at first, then ruffled my hair with his blistered hand.
• "Sorry."
• "Know what Stoics says? You're provoked by your own judgement of the situation."
• "And, we can't expect people to view us the way we perceive ourselves."
• "So don't worry about me."
• Here he goes again, apologizing.
• I was fairly sure that even if he understood all of this, some part of him must have been affected.
• But, his words were somehow reassuring.
• Did he feel the same way when he talked to C, I wonder?
• Feeling above everything, unaffected by surrounding opinions.
• That person really must be someone strong if they were able to influence Charles to this extent.
• "If I stay by his side, maybe I'll be saved one day, too," I thought, and that thought alone felt comforting enough to help me get through another day.
• Charles turned on a horror movie, and I fell asleep on his shoulder, personal space be damned.

• That was the last conversation we had before everything went to shit.
• The god of his world was no more.

— 15 —

• Months later, we moved to another town.
• It was never my decision to make.
• I left most of my possessions at the old home.
• Henry played Pokemon during the entire trip, then vomited onto my shirt, carsick.
• I pet his oily hair, letting my nails sink into flakes of chronic seborrhea and dead skin.

• I thought of Charles once again.
• Without anything solid to ground him, wouldn't he float away?
• In the last moments we spent together it had already felt like he wasn't present.
• As if the maggots swarming inside of him had already consumed his insides.
• How unfair.

5...

• anri: hey
• anri: how are you, charlie?
• C: You should leave him alone, Henrietta Warhol.
• anri: eyler i'm being serious
• C: So am I. Please stop writing us.
• Who's "us"?
• anri: why?
• C: You're a hindrance.
• C: If you continue pestering us, I'll make your personal information public.
• C: You have things to hide, don't you?

4...

• C: anri, hi
• C: I'm sorry for the last time
• C: feel free to block me
• anri: okay, now you sound like charles
• anri: apology accepted
• anri: hi
• anri: are you okay?
• C: more or less
• anri: how's mom?
• C: like usual. i'm trying to spend more time with her
• anri: that's nice
• C: how are you holding up?
• anri: i'm fine. trying to adjust to a new place
• anri: henry's an idiot and blew a whole load of money on online gambling, so dad took away his debit card
• anri: serves him right i guess
• anri: i'm working as a waitress rn so i have my own income
• anri: but i guess most of this money will go to my parents anyway
• anri: debts and all
• C: Do you have plans for uni or?
• anri: i'm taking a year off
• anri: can't deal with it right now
• anri: and i'm not sure what i want to do
• C: haha, yeah. only the job you're crazy about can get you a good income
• C: or just luck really
• C: higher education won't really promise you a good place in life
• anri: nice pasta
• anri: did you get into med uni?
• C: i'll know in a month. I don't really remember the day of the exam
• anri: uh oh
• anri: what will you do if you don't pass?
• C: kill myself i guess
• C: haha no jk
• anri: it's not funny
• C: I know. I'm being serious
• C: I have Mother to take care of, so don't worry.

3...

• C: anri, hi! how are you? <3
• anri: heart emojis, gross
• anri: eyler is that really you
• C: of course it's me
• anri: uh ok
• anri: i'm fine, just having trouble adjusting to a new place
• anri: didn't make any friends yet
• anri: i don't want to pretend to be someone else just to fit in, but no one really wants to hang out with me when i'm myself
• anri: i feel alone
• anri: are you doing okay?
• C: im okay! XXXXXX specifically asked not to talk about the remnants, though.

2...

• anri: charlie im
• anri: i'm scared of you
• anri: of what you're becoming
• anri: i thought i didn't understand you before
• anri: but now I feel like I don't understand you at all
• anri: and i'm really not sure what to do
• anri: you need to seek help

1...

• C: shit
• C: I'm so sorry
• C: if you're reading this, it's me
• C: I'm not okay
• C: I'm not sure if I'm myself anymore
• C: sometimes I just close my eyes and then find myself at an unfamiliar place several hours later
• C: I passed the exams, but I'm failing classes. hard.
• C: I feel like vomiting just looking at people
• C: they don't look human
• C: I'm afraid if we meet again you won't look human, too
• C: so please, don't try to find me
• C: Mother is not okay
• C: She's not responding anymore
• C: everything is distorted
• C: and I'm clearly bothering you
• C: I
• C: I need to put a stop to this

• Those were the last messages from Charles.
• His phone went dead, and he never replied back.
• Trying to cope with this reality, I tried to forget about him.

— 16 —

• A year later, I found out that Eylers no longer lived at the old address.
• Charles Eyler had disappeared without a trace.
• I want to think he's okay, but I know better.
• Lilith Eyler was buried in a local cemetery.
• Looks like Charles took care of her burial before disappearing.
• "I won't live longer than Mother would," he once told me, and stayed true to his words.
• I like to think that his soul went where she is.
• Perhaps he's lying on the bottom of a vast sea, his form flickering, uncertain.
• I want to lie down near, and make sure his carcass doesn't float away.
• But that's a selfish wish to have.
• Instead, I placed a bouquet on their grave and whispered a quiet prayer.

Diary — END —